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The Same

He gained his consciousness to the ringing of his alarm on his phone and opened his eyes. It took him a few seconds; and then he was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor until he took a deep sigh and got up to the start of his monotonous day, just like yesterday and the day before and all of those days before them, of which he had forgotten the count. He got ready for his office and left the house.

He walked through the same roads, down to the same metro station and waited with familiar faces for the same train that he took everyday to his office. He stood outside a huge building and entered into a big gate that led him through narrower corridors into a very small cubicle that he called his office. Grandly decorated with an old computer that he worked on, a stack of files and a picture of himself on the desk, from an ancient time when he was happy and could smile. He spent the most of his life there; and probably a little in the cafeteria where the people grouped together and talked about other people; which was almost the same everyday; they appeared like murmurs to him now. Nothing was exciting anymore. The dreams had been eaten alive by his personal needs and expenses, and his smile and excitement, by the monotony of his life and by his office.

At night, he would walk out of the office along with his colleagues, alone; distributing fake smiles to the people around him, just like he would when he came into, in the morning. This is what you have to give in return along with your services for the pay that you get from the company; and the ignorance from your pain to the world in return for their acceptance of you. So he walked back to the station again, on to the same train that would lead him back to his den; nowhere new, nowhere exciting.

As he entered the house, he got ready for bed, had his dinner and found himself sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at the floor. One deep sigh and then he lay down, waiting for sleep to take over him.


The next day he woke up to the same ring, sat up, gathered the courage and got out of his bed to the same day as yesterday. He walked to the station, took a train to office, worked with numbers the whole day, listened to murmurs in the cafeteria and went back to work again. With the same fake smile, he left the office at the end of the day, walked the same roads to the same station; took the same train and walked on to the same destination and found himself sitting on the edge of the bed till that deep sigh, and then lay back to wait for sleep.


The next day, while walking down from the station back home, he met an old acquaintance. As usual, he tried to avoid any contact because he wouldn’t have anything to talk about; nothing has changed in his life since 4 years. He has been the same. But it became unavoidable, so he stopped when his acquaintance started waving at him and calling out his name. His friend told him about the things he had done since they last met, opened an old wound when he talked about his long lost love, who has apparently moved on with her life, progressed, fallen in love again and was getting married. It was a long long time ago, but it still hurt. It hurt more to see that it was only him who hasn’t moved on at all, who was stuck with this life of no change.

As they bid farewell again, not knowing when they’ll meet again, they wished each other the best for their lives. He walked back the rest of the way, alone, with her thoughts, racing all through his mind. It all came back to him, once more. She was right, he couldn’t change; he didn’t have it in him, to change into something better than that. But he loved her with his whole heart, that should account for something.

He was standing outside his apartment when he came out of his reverie. He ramaged through his pocket for his keys and entered into his lair, finished his chores and found himself holding on to the edge of his bed looking at the floor and sighing, still thinking about the news. With the same thought, he lay down and fell asleep; a little later than the usual.

He woke up the next morning, late for work. Cursing himself and the alarm, he left for work. On the way, the sole of his shoes came out. Running out of time, he faltered all the way down to the station, caught an unusual train, with unfamiliar faces and entered his office with a genuine frown instead. All this led to him working overtime at the office, leaving the office alone, and catching the last train back home. He recalled the warning he got from the boss for coming in late and all the rush he had to be in the whole time to make up for it. He had totally forgotten about his shoes. He walked back home, with one shoes in his hand and the other in his foot, snailing down the alley.

When he finally reached outside his apartment and ramaged through his pockets again, he realised he had forgotten the keys to his apartment. He cursed himself again for forgetting it inside and stood there a couple of minutes, thinking what to do. Finally, he went next door asking for help from his neighbours who probably talked to him for the first time. It was an inconvenience that led to breaking the lock with a hammer that the neighbourhood man helped him with, but at last, an hour an a half later, he was inside the apartment.

He finished his chores for the night, a little more in rush than the usual; and finally found himself holding on to the edge of his bed, staring at the floor, with so many thoughts and events of the day going on inside his head. He finally paused and lay back on the bed, without a sigh and waited for the sleep to take over him.

Before he went into the slumber, something struck him out of all the inconveniences he had faced the whole day, and he smiled to himself, ‘ atleast today wasn’t like all the other days!’

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Posted by on December 19, 2018 in short story, Uncategorized

 

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The Graves

His 45th birthday! A day which mocked him yet again, reminded him of the time that he had wasted, all those years that he had not utilized. He sat up on his bed, resting back at the headrest, staring at that face of her’s, which was still beautiful. Oh! The love of his life! He had done everything right in his life. A decent job, a decent lifestyle, a decent income and a decent family. He had fulfilled all of her needs and of his sons. They respected him and loved him and so did his parents. They were proud of him. He had fulfilled all the promises he had made to them, and all of those promises he had made to her; but what of those that he had made to himself! He sat there, his eyes drifting towards the darkness, thinking the same that his eyes could see, nothing! When else was he going to be that bestselling writer that he had always promised himself he would be. Where is that fame that he always thought he would achieve. Where are the fans. Where, the luxury! And when he thought about it, he realized he had actually achieved nothing in life. He had merely wasted his life. Those big plans, had never materialized. Those dreams, never came true.

He got up, breaking his reverie and snailed across the room into the washroom. The sound of the water from the tap filled his ears. He collected as much water as he could in his palms and splashed the water on his face trying to break out of the negativity that was drowning him. He stared right into his eyes in the mirror. It was suffocating. This monotonous breathing of his. He moved away from the eyes and stared at the wrinkles on his face. The futility of experiences that he had gathered, locked among these wrinkles. He stood there blank, without a frown or a tear or a smile, for he did not know what to do nor what to think of himself. He had wasted it all. All his years; in achieving everything! In being one of the rest. He wasn’t any different. He wasn’t special. Bound to be forgotten. He couldn’t face himself anymore and so he turned and walked into the darkness of the room again; the darkness which resembled more the inside of his mind. He got into the bed as slowly as he could and stared at her face once more. His treasure. She opened her eyes slowly and looked right into his eyes. 

‘Something wrong?’, she asked.

‘Nothing at all!’, he smiled with all the strength he had left in him and kissed her forehead.

She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest, into that heavy heart of his. He held her close. The only fan, the only achievement of his life, his only treasure.

And then he went to sleep, with the love of his life and the graves of his dreams and desires.

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2017 in short story, Uncategorized

 

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Alternate Lives

“I’m glad I went through all those miseries.”, he said half waiting for her to ask the reason.

“And why is that?”, she asked, just as he had predicted she would. She was a curious one; intelligent and fond of crazy theories just like him. He liked forming them, she liked listening to them; and they would have long discussions on concepts that may never exist; a whole world based on merely one single assumption. After such a long time, he had found her; someone he could be completely himself with.

“When I think about it, I’m glad I have you.”, he said and looked at her smiling through the corner of his eye. “Look, I have had so many choices over the years and I have taken so many decisions during the years that I have lived, right?”, he paused for her to understand, “And for every option that I had, my life could have been so different. So, for every single option that I left out, there would have a been a completely different life that I would have been living. A different life, if I did take the options that I left out.”, and his eyes stared at hers; begging them to understand what he was saying.

“Alternate way of living?”, she asked.

“Close.”, he smirked, “Alternate lives.”

She nodded. “So?”

“So what if, for every single combination of all the choices that you make in your entire life, there is a change in the life that you live. And what if every single one of these alternate lives is completely different from the other; and there can be unlimited combinations of choices, right?,” she nodded. “What if, for instance, this is the only combination of all the choices in my life for which I would have you in my life?”

“A coincidence then?”, she asked seriously thinking about it and glared at him through the spectacles that reflected her intelligence.

“Isn’t it?”

She merely nodded. So many thoughts going on inside her. What if he had never noticed her? What if he hadn’t told her that he had a crush on her? What if he hadn’t broken up with every single girl that he had ever been with in his entire lifetime? What if anyone of those relationships had worked out? What if everything hadn’t gone south in his life? How coincidental their love was. How coincidental this entire thing between them. How she would’ve meant nothing to him had it been for one different choice. The thoughts just wouldn’t stop. There is a downside to being intelligent. You just can’t stop thinking.

She slept with a heavy heart that night not knowing whether she should be grateful to fate or to be scared.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

And this time he did not go to that party which was on the night before his exams. He studied the entire night; and he did well.
He did not have to go into some crappy college; and this time, he went into a renowned one.

He boarded his usual train back home from college one day and as he was getting down, he stumbled into this beautiful girl who missed the train because of him. He kept apologizing, over and over again, and waited for the next train with her, to compensate for what he had mistakenly done.

She found it really sweet, he was in love with her beauty already too.

They fell in love.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

And this time he walked into a coffee shop with his friends; and they dared him to talk to the pretty girl who sat there with a book and a coffee on her table looking outside the glass window. A bunch of rich brats having fun; how typical.

He couldn’t just back off; so he went and stood right beside her table. He mumbled instead of talking and turned twice to look at his friends while standing and trying to talk to her. In a manner of joke, she gave him her number on the tissue she had on her table; just play a prank on those rich brats who had created a mess in the coffee shop.

He thanked her a million times over the phone that evening for not making him look like an idiot in front of his friends. The evening talks grew longer and the drifted through the nights. They slowly grew fond of each other.

They fell in love.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

And in this one; his first love had just broken up with him and he had no one to go to anymore. He was in tears and heartbroken and did not know what to do with his life anymore. He was devastated and alone.

His first love’s friend genuinely thought that he was a very nice guy and that he never deserved this. No one deserves to be heartbroken. Or maybe she just couldn’t bear to see anyone in pain. So she consoled him and told him that he would find the right girl and that maybe she wasn’t the one.

She was right. Her friend wasn’t the right girl. She was. It took them some time to realize it, but they eventually did.

They fell in love.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

For every choice that he made, there was an alternate life. Thousands of choices and thousands of lives; and he had her for himself in every single one of them. In every single one of them, they were together.

 
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Posted by on April 28, 2015 in short story

 

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Inexpressiveness

They praise me, for
The creations I create.
They praise me, for
The lines that I make;
And for the way I write,
And bring to life,
My thoughts; and their feelings,
And the nature’s callings.

I talk not of happiness.
I talk not of the good times.
I pay not heed to the schemes,
Nor to the rhymes in the lines.
All I do is, express
The feelings within me;
And the sadness
In me, that you do not see.

The failures of words, you do not see;
My failure of expression, you do not see.

I write and use, all that I know.
I write my heart out, to let you know,
How beautiful it is to me,
The nature, that my eyes see.
I fail to explain the beauty;
The beauty that I see.

For how; how do I talk,
Of the dead buds on the sidewalk?
And how do I choose the perfect word,
To describe that green’s perfect shade?
And how do I talk of the fragrance,
That holds death and love in the balance!

How do you describe it when you see,
A couple in love for forever, their serenity!
Does ‘love’ do justice to what they bear?
One may find the perfect word; but where?

Perhaps my knowledge limits me.
Perhaps it is me merely being a man.
Perhaps there are no words for thee,
Oh nature, perhaps I try in vain.
But I shall strive to put you in words.
And I shall put in words, what I feel within.

And may I fail; and fail yet again.
And there I may end, where you begin.

And thus shall I fail, oh nature, in my ventures,
And yet, I shall be praised, for my failures.

 
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Posted by on February 17, 2014 in poetry

 

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